


I defy you, stars.

by Darth_Rainbow_Queen_Of_Coconuts



Category: Shadowhunters, Shadowhunters (TV), TMI - Fandom, The Mortal Instruments, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: I feel like a sinner, M/M, Pretentious Shakespeare quotes, Rarepair, Romeo & Juliet Quotes, They both deserve happiness, Why do I like rarepairs so much?, no beta we die like men, preslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-10-12 22:41:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20572109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darth_Rainbow_Queen_Of_Coconuts/pseuds/Darth_Rainbow_Queen_Of_Coconuts
Summary: They need it. They need one another. Everything is a confusing blur. But that fact, is crystal clear.





	I defy you, stars.

_Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs._

Alec was addicted. Not the venom like Izzy. He didn't feel particularly stronger as it cursed through his veins. Nor to thrill of danger like Jace. He didn't need to be on the brink of death to feel alive. Alec was addicted to freedom brought by the bliss. Alec was addicted because it relieved an incredibly heavy weight from his shoulders. Alec was addicted because when he was high, he wasn't so self- conscious. Alec was addicted to the messiness of it all. He reveled in it like a cat under the sun. A single nip was all he needed. Just to feel free enough to indulge himself. It always started with a bite to make sure he was comfortable. Then he'd be emboldened enough to tear at his partner's clothes and press wet kisses to every inch of bare skin there would be to discover. The coldness of a vampire contrasting so delightful with the heat literally oozing from his body. He never kissed his partner on the lips though. It indicated a proximity he couldn't quite indulge himself with his current fuck buddy. Not when he was an actual friend.

Not when they were a kiss on the lips away from meaningful.

Not when sex felt that great. 

Alec always explored first, as the buzz settled in because the vampire was a little less willing every damn time. But as soon as he was turned on, Alec could give in. Unbridled and happy to comply. Pliant and eager. His hands though, were in constant exploration, seeking contact when friction wasn't enough. So beautifully flushed, writhing under a shorter, slimmer figure. Eyes always wide open and pupils blown with an unhidden, assumed lust. It had always amused his lover just how open Alec could be when he was so closed in any other aspect of his life. Alec had caged himself. But every now and then, he granted himself an escape. Just a for a little while. Just forbidden enough to remain exhilarating. Just a few more thrusts to true bliss.

_These violent delights have violent ends._

Panting heavily despite not needing to breathe, Simon moved to lay beside the other male, in a bed that was visibly too small for two. He dared a glance at Alec, wiping away the tear that had escaped his left eyes. It was destroying the shadowhunter to grant himself just a little bit of freedom. Alec was drowning in self-hatred. And guilt. Things were wrong, very wrong. But every time the archer came knocking at his door with a pleading look and raw despair, the musician let him in. They both needed a fix. Just another one. A last one. And a last one. And another.

"I hate this." Simon said. 

Alec let out a mocking chuckle. "No, you don't." It was said with the certainty of one who knows just how it feels.

"No, I don't." Simon indulged, knowing he should. "But I hate what I'm doing to you. What I'm doing to myself." He admitted, knowing that if his heart was still pumping, his whole body would be flushed. "I'm ruining you, Alec." The vampire said, voice roughened by emotions he barely was processing. "You might not resent me for it quite yet, but you will grow to. And I won't even blame you. Because I'm ruining you." Alec slowly turned his head to take a look at the vampire's face. Simon's eyes were on him, alert but wounded. Like a wild puppy knowing he did wrong and truly sorry for he feared the punishment. The shadowhunter sighed softly, wondering why he'd chosen such a kind soul to do something so despicable with. Perhaps because he trusted Simon. Maybe because he desired Simon. Surely because he wanted Simon. Very slowly, he leant forward to press a kiss to Simon's lips. 

_O teach me how I should forget to think._

Simon kissed back, with an infinite patience and kindness. Unsure still about what it meant, but hoping it was, somehow meaningful. It was a bad idea all things considered. But currently, neither of them could remember a single reason not to kiss. Because the outside world didn't seem to exist. Everything was blurry. Including their own existences. Leaving them unable to tell where Alec started or Simon ended. They weren't one. There was no real harmony. Simon was subdued, discreet, pliant but eager to let Alec explore. To let Alec lick and nip, and take what he wanted. It took two to tango, and though they were more accustomed to the devil's good old than the new territory they were exploring, it was a nice music to dance to as well. Tentatively, fingers curled themselves in the raven mane, Simon's lips curling up at the sinful guttural growl coming from his lover as he tugged just a little.

"You need to breathe." Was whispered against reddened, puffy lips. Simon was grinning like an idiot, fangs still kept in. Alec almost smiled before taking the other's bottom lip between his and tugging. Simon leant up, pressing their lips again with a certain urgency, bringing his other hand to Alec's neck. "You're ruining me." He whispered absentmindedly.

Alec stilled, his whole body stiffening. Because he was, wasn't he? Ruining a perfectly healthy young man? Dead, sure, but undead. And happy. Simon was always happy, smiling and supportive. Never asking for much but always expectant of goodness in others. "I don't wanna." He admitted, before he could think better of it. "I don't want to ruin you, Simon. But I need to. Because I need it. I desperately need you."

Simon smiled at the declaration, more fond than amused. And oh. There was the shift. The shadowhunter had made things meaningful now. "By all means, please, do ruin me." The guitarist answered, his smile widening as his right hand left Alec's neck for his hair. "I think I need you too." Was added, right before their lips met again. That kiss, felt different. Not wholly unwelcomed but different. In ways thar were indescribable but incredibly obvious to the two of them. 

_Love is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake- its everything except what it is!_

**Author's Note:**

> Please, let me know if you notice any typos or grammar mistake. I'm not english but I'm really trying to learn!


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